Peterson murithi

37K Reach

$26

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Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
One day, I hope to become a grown-up
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Of course, I talk to myself – I need some expert advice.
My wallet is like an onion – opening it makes me cry.
I brainstormed so hard I got struck by lightning.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
There are 100 billion nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening.
Wine + dinner = winner
I’d rather steal your dessert than your boyfriend.
Sweet as sugar, tough as nails.
Born to express, not impress.
I can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why.
We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
I’m cool, but global warming made me HOT
I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
I’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never be able to have a kid as cool as theirs.
I always prefer my puns to be intended.
I’m not actually funny, I’m really mean and people think I’m joking. I’m not.