There are 24K influencers with a reach over 20,000!Sausage puns are the wurst.
How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He’s alright now.
There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue – but I’m stuck on this chapter.
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container? It said concentrate!
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
I’d tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
You’re right, I’m not perfect. But I’m unique!
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, man! Breathe!”
Living one day at a time, with a fresh-baked cookie. Okay. And with a coffee. And maybe some chocolate. But I promise to take my vitamins.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
Home is where Wi-Fi connects automatically.
Life's uncertain. Eat dessert first.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
I apologize for anything I post while hungry.
All of my jokes land…somewhere.
Sometimes, the voices in your head are right.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect!
I’m an example to others — a bad example.
Come over to the dark side. We’ve got beer.
No, I wouldn’t say I’m lazy. But it’s a good thing breathing is a reflex.
Do you remember when I asked you for your opinion? Me neither.
I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to sit on the couch.
A good mood is like a balloon. It just takes one prick to ruin it.
Common sense is like deodorant — those who need it most never use it.
Well, enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you think about me?
