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  I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too.

   Catch flights not feelings.

   I regret nothing you see in this feed.

   I’d rather steal your dessert than your boyfriend.

   Sweet as sugar, tough as nails.

   Born to express, not impress.

   I can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why.

   We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.

  I’m cool, but global warming made me HOT

 I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

I’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never be able to have a kid as cool as theirs.

I always prefer my puns to be intended.

I’m not actually funny, I’m really mean and people think I’m joking. I’m not.

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

I might look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy.

We are born to be real, not perfect.