Social Share on Facebook

I had fun once—it was horrible!I put the “elation” in “public relations"!

Too dead to die.

Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.

My mom says I'm special.

Fresher than you.

I’m a potato.

I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes, I’m sleeping.

it’s all fun and games till it’s not fun and games.

I'm so good at sleeping i can do it with my eyes closed!

Disappointed but not surprised.

Exhale the bullsht! Sassy, classy, and bad-assy. Abnormally normal! Recovering ice cream addict. Insert pretentious stuff about myself here. I prefer my puns intended. I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking. I believe in annoyed at first sight. I put “ces” in “success.” Without me, life will just "succ.” I’m so much cooler online. Aren’t we all? Born at a very young age. Normal is boring! Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate! An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough! Naturally and artificially flavored. Who’s a good boy? I am! I try not to laugh at my jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious. One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry. So you want to hear a couple of general and useless tweets? Adulting is soup and I am a fork. Just another papercut survivor. You are either on my side, by my side, or in my fcking way. Choose wisely.